


Over and Over

by eajdef



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Day6 - Freeform, Day6 Jae - Freeform, Eaj, F/M, Heartbreak, Jae Park - Freeform, Park Jaehyung | Jae-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:33:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25479229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eajdef/pseuds/eajdef
Summary: Jae is having a hard time getting over his ex. Even months later, he still continuously questions everything about him and her. He feels like he’s being played over and over again.Short story inspired by eaJ project songs.
Relationships: Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Female Character(s), Park Jaehyung | Jae/Reader
Kudos: 5





	1. LA Trains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just had this idea of interconnecting all of the eaJ songs into one storyline. 
> 
> This is just how I interpreted the songs so that it all kind of makes sense together (hopefully).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading!

This was our spot.

Sitting at the benches near the train station, where we saw the LA trains pass by at night.

Everything was brighter at night, ironically.

The stars are out, the moon is shining brightly, even the street lights looked different.

Everything seemed beautiful, full of life when we sat there, just looking at whatever.

But I didn’t care because she was right there, by my side.

Shining brightly, the brightest in my eyes.

Time seemed to stop whenever I looked at her admiring everything like the world was perfect.

_______________________________

_“I’ll never get tired of this sight,” she said, staring at the sky. “It’s perfect. The train noise at the background, the way too bright street lights, the stars, the moon. It’s a different feeling every night.”_

_She was always so sentimental when went here. Something out here brings it out of her for some reason. Of course, her sentimentality also brought out my cheesiness._

_“Yeah, I’ll never get tired of this sight, too,” I said, poking at her cheek. She went from looking at the night sky to me. I think I almost had a heart attack from her beauty._

_She laughed and held my hand that was poking her._

_“You’re so cheesy, you know that?”_

_“I know but you love me so you can’t do anything about it,” I teased and kissed her hand._

_She wrinkled her nose and gave me a peck on the lips, which took me by surprise._

_“Guess I’ll just have to live with it for a long time, huh?” She teased back._

_______________________________

But it didn’t stop.

Because this is nothing but a memory now.

A bittersweet memory of her, the street lights, and those damn LA trains.

Damn you, Chronos.


	2. Otherside

Months passed by. My days have been getting better.

Though I still find myself thinking about her from time to time.

I wonder, does she also think about me?

I don’t dwell on it that much anymore, she’s probably as busy as I am.

But if she has been wondering, I have been smiling a lot because I’ve been receiving a lot of good news lately.

At those moments, I can’t help but think about her, the person I’ve always told that stuff to.

I even come home excited to tell her what happened.

_______________________________

_“I got the job!” I said as soon as I entered the apartment._

_She gasped and immediately gave me a hug._

_“Congratulations, Jae! I knew you’d get it!” She then cupped my face and kissed me._

_“Woah, is this my only reward for getting the job?”_

_She giggled and let go of me. She then rushed to get the cookies she’s been preparing._ _“Of course not! Look, I made you cookies!”_

_I pouted at her and pretended to be upset with her. “Cookies? How old do you think I am? Five years old?”_

_She looked a little surprised at what I said so before she got even more upset I cut out my act early and hugged her._

_“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! Thank you for the cookies, you know I love the ones you make.”_

_She laid down the cookies on the table. This time, she was the one pouting like a puppy and proceeded to hit me playfully on the chest._

_“I hate you! You actually scared me!” She laughed._

_She then smiled and kissed me again._

_“Congratulations again, Jae. You deserve it. I love you.”_

_______________________________

Then I remember.

She’s not there anymore.

It’s ridiculous, right? Why is it that she’s still running through my mind after all this time?

Why is it that I still worry that she might be scared, sleeping alone at night?

I used to sometimes just lose it and call her number.

Even though I know she won’t pick up.

Because we’re over.

So I just lay in my cold, hard bed inside my cold, dark room and drift off to sleep.

Hoping that I could see her again.

On the other side.


	3. Guess Not

It’s raining cats and dogs outside.

Somehow it feels like I’m outside, standing in the pouring rain, all of my clothes soaked and the rain is not stopping anytime soon.

Though I’m inside thinking of her, yet again.

But why does it hurt so damn much even if I knew I had to break it off?

_______________________________

_“I can’t believe you lied to me!” I said, having a hard time breathing and felt tears starting to form._

_I was feeling all types of emotions. Angry, sorry for myself, and stupid._

_I just found out that she started to have feelings for another person and it has been going on for a year now. I suspected that something was going on._

_I even asked her about it but I just brushed it off thinking that it’s normal for a relationship of three years to feel a little boring. And I was okay with that because I still loved her after all those years._

_Little did I know she was only half in on the relationship because she’s been sharing her emotions with someone else._

_“Wait, Jae let me explain please,” she pleaded, holding on to my hand._

_I let go of her hand while tears started falling down my face._

_“How else would you explain this? You started to have feelings for another person while being with me! You should’ve just broken up with me instead of lying to my face saying that you love me! How could you?!”_

_“Jae, it’s not that easy! And I do still love you! Why don’t you believe me?”_

_This infuriated me even more. It’s not easy for her? Did she not think about how I would feel if I found out that she’s been emotionally attached to another guy for a year now? It's ridiculous._

_“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have confided in someone else! I confronted you if you were hiding something from me and you said you weren’t. But you know what? I believed you! Because I trusted you! And what do you do? You lie to me?!”_

_I hear her cries getting louder._

_"We never did anything! I promise you, it was all just emotional, nothing physical happened. I would never do that to you, Jae. Please, believe me. I-It's just that you were always coming home late and leave early that we didn't even talk anymore! But I promise, Jae, we never did anything else!"_

_I don't even know what to say. Physical or emotional, it's all the same to me. Does she think it being emotional makes it better? Do I even know her?_

_“How do I know you’re not lying about everything else?” I said in a low voice. I stopped for a second and asked her again. "Do you love him?"_

_She looked at me, hurt apparent in her face as well as disbelief. She couldn't answer my question. That silence was enough for me to know the answer that I was looking for._

_I felt so angry and dumb. It felt like she made a complete fool out of me. I felt betrayed and my heart ached so much. Is it even possible for a person to love two people the same way at the same time? I still love her but I cannot deal with everything that has been laid out in front of me. She's already one step ahead of me. She already has someone else._

_I breathe slowly then I closed my eyes._

_“I don’t think I can stay in this relationship. Not when I know that you’re not even all there for it.”_

_“No! Jae, please! I’m so sorry! Let’s work this out, okay? I’ll cut off all connections with him and make it up to you forever. Just please, stay with me!” She said while crying, her voice quivering. She was on her knees._

_It pained me to see her so vulnerable and practically begging me to stay but I know that if we don’t do this, I will be hurting in the process._

_We’ll both be hurt from it._

_“Let’s break up.”_

_______________________________

Why is it me that’s missing her?

Why am I the one suffering?

Is it bad that I want her to feel the hurt that I’m feeling right now?

I said I wouldn’t regret it, that I wouldn’t miss her at all.

I told myself I’d be alright.

But I guess not.

She lied to me but now I’m the one who’s lying to myself.

I’m the one in the losing team, after all.


	4. Pinocchio

She’s calling me now.

When she’s drunk on the weekend or when she’s bored.

She gets wasted so much that I swear I could smell it through the phone.

I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss her.

Because I do, with every inch of my body.

But I had to lie.

I have to say that I don’t love her anymore.

She knows I’m lying, calling me Pinocchio.

_______________________________

_I picked up her call._

_“Hello?”_

_“J-jae?” She answered, she sounds like she’s been crying. Her saying my name felt... surreal. It's been a while since I heard her voice, especially her saying my name. All the memories came flooding back._

_No, this isn't right. Get a hold of yourself, Jae._

_“It’s… you.”_

_“Jae, I miss you. I still l-love you! W-why did you leave me?” She said while sobbing. I could even hear her hiccup._

_“You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”_

_“Don’t you love me anymore? Why are you like this?!” She yelled. I didn’t know how to answer her. Of course I still love her. I miss her like crazy but I couldn’t tell her that._

_“I d-don’t love you anymore. Please stop calling me. And please go home, you’re drunk.”_

_“You liar! I know you still love me! Take me back, Jae. I’ll make it right, please! I never lied to you. I don't talk to him anymore. Please, Jae!” She started crying more and I felt so sorry for her._

_My heart hurt every time I heard her cry. But I have to stop this, we both have to move on._

_“Good night- ”_

_“I know you, Pinocchio!”_

_She hung up._

_______________________________

She still owns my heart and I hate it.

I don’t know why I’m still hung up on her.

She did me wrong.

But I still want her.

It doesn’t even matter anymore if she treats this or me like a game.

I still want nothing but her.


	5. Rose

We met when her and I were both in a not so good situation in our lives.

It’s not anything too bad but it was not the best either.

She and her family were in a huge fight because they never listen to what she has to say so she ended up leaving their house and started fending for herself.

She also just got out of a bad relationship.

I was getting beat up in the face by college with all the reports, final examinations, and finishing up my final thesis. It didn’t help that my group mates were practically useless either. I was so stressed out from everything and it started to stress me out.

So to blow off steam, I went out of my stuffy dormitory and went to the nearest convenience store.

Yes, I blow off steam by eating convenience store food.

So I proceeded to grab all the food that I wanted to eat and went to the cashier to pay for everything.

That’s when I saw her.

She stood from below the counter and it looked like she had been crying.

I pretended not to notice and just waited for her to scan all the items so I could pay for them.

Then she started talking to me. 

Then she said her shift was done and we talked some more.

I don’t remember how but we somehow ended up sharing our life stories to each other and sharing a drink or two.

She told me her douchebag of an ex and her super strict patriarchal family.

I told her about how I’m basically doing all the work in our thesis paper and so on.

I enjoyed her company so much that I almost forgot about everything that was causing me stress.

The more she told me, the more I found her beautiful, despite the horrible things she’s been through.

Looking at her, I might never have guessed that she was dealing with so much stuff.

She was broken but I didn’t mind.

Because it’s all a matter of perspective.

Because to me, all I saw was a strong, resilient woman who knew what she wanted.

And how lucky was I that she wanted me.

_______________________________

_ She’s drunk now. Which is funny because she’s only had four shots of soju. I guess she’s a lightweight. _

_ “Park, has someone ever told you how attractive you are?” _

_ “W-what?” I was surprised. Nobody  ** has  ** ever told me how attractive I am.  _

_ “I said you’re attractive. I mean, you’re cute and your voice is nice to listen to. Your little glasses suit you too,” She smiled with her eyes closed, obviously very drunk already. _

_ “Um, thanks, I guess?” I really did not know how to respond to compliments so a thanks should be okay, right? _

_ She scoffed. “‘Thanks, I guess?’ Come on! You have to say ‘Oh I find you cute too!’” _

_ I blushed, feeling a little bit embarrassed. Normally, I wouldn’t have said anything but I think the alcohol has started to take effect so I said what she wanted to hear and more. _

_ “I find you attractive, too,” I said seriously, looking at her. “I actually like you a lot.” _

_ Then she smiled widely, giggled, and hiccuped a little. _

_ “I like you too!” She giggled again. “Let’s date.” _

_______________________________


	6. 50 Proof

Weeks passed by and I think I’ve only gotten worse.

I started to think about her every single day ever since that day she started calling me.

I now think about if she’s still feel lonely, eating alone.

Struggling with her sleep as she have always been.

Crying in the middle of the night for reasons that she’s never told me, or even understood herself.

_______________________________

_ I woke up to a noise beside me. She was sitting on the bed, crying her eyes out. _

_ Her legs were folded to her chest and her head down. _

_ “Hey, what’s wrong?” I sat up and hugged her. _

_ She faced me, she looked so sad and defeated like everything was taken away from her. Then she faced back to her front. _

_ “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m so messed up.” _

_ I felt pity for her. She’s been like this ever since we started living together. She said she’s been like this ever since she can remember. _

_ I wanted to help her and comfort her on what she’s going through but the thing is even she doesn’t know why. _

_ It confused me and frustrated me at times because why would you not know the reason you’re crying? _

_ But I tried to understand her and I kind of just got used to it. _

_ I hugged her tight, patted her head, tried to calm her down. _

_ Some nights are worse than the others and this was one of those nights. _

_ “Do you want to make you hot chocolate?” I offered. I know hot chocolate calms her down a lot and she seemed to be in a better mood after drinking it. _

_ She just nodded and fixed her hair out of her face. _

_ I went to the kitchen and made her hot chocolate with marshmallows, her favorite. _

_ I handed it to her and rubbed her back. _

_ I sat next to her on the bed and watched her finish her drink. _

_ Her crying had stopped and she smiled at me weakly. _

_ “Thank you, Jae. I love you so much. What would I do without you?”  _

_ I hugged her and kissed her forehead. _

_______________________________

I wonder if someone else is now taking her home safely when she’s drank too much, on her 50 proof high.

Is there now someone else who stays up with her on her sleepless nights?

Or wipes her tears when she starts crying?

If there is, I hope she’s receiving all their love.

I hope that someone else is loving her the way that I’ve always wanted to love her, or maybe even better.


	7. Truman

She called me again. 

This time she was bored.

I didn’t pick up though, I’ve been drowning in my thoughts too much that I’ve been way too tired recently.

I played her voicemail and it’s the same old thing she’s been telling me these past few weeks.

She says she misses me so much and that she can’t live without me.

She always says this and it messes with my head so much. 

Then she ends the voicemail saying that she gotta go because it’s past 12 and she had something else to do, or someone else for that matter.

_______________________________

_ “Jaehyung- ah! Why aren’t you picking up my calls? Don’t you miss me?” _

_ I do miss you. _

_ “Can’t you go back to me, already? I can’t live without you, you know that right?” _

_ I do know that but it I can’t take you back. And you shouldn’t take me back either. _

_ I heard some kind of noise in the background, maybe someone talking to her. Where is she?  _

_ “I gotta go now, it’s 12 a.m. Call me, okay baby?” _

_12 a.m. What does she do at 12 a.m. that’s so important that she always ends the call right there._

_I don’t have to know and honestly, I don’t think I even want to know._

**_What are you doing to me?_ **

_______________________________

And that was it.

That was always how it ended.

I know it’s all a lie.

But I don’t tell her that because I know that’s when it ends. 

I know, it’s pathetic that I’m doing this just so she can keep calling me.

But that’s what I am, pathetic.

Just so I could hear her voice again, even it it’s only 20 seconds worth of lies.


	8. Pacman

I’m the one calling her again.

And like always, she answers only when she’s doing nothing.

And she tells me things like she misses me and she still wants me back.

I stopped denying at this point that I also do.

It’s like we’re in a game all over again.

She calls me when she’s bored and I call her because I still love her.

Will this ever come to an end?

Why am I so scared for it to end once and for all?

Why do I still love her?

I still want to hold her, love her, care for her.

Why is she still my source of happiness?

My memories of her is still what makes me smile.

The memories that make me think that if I was given a choice to die with someone, it’d still be with her.

It’s like I’m stuck playing the same level and can’t seem to get to the next one.

There are two ways to end the game.

Either I level up to win it.

Or I sacrifice myself for it to be game over.

_______________________________

_ We’re meeting again today. It’s the first time I’m going to see her after our breakup. The first time after many calls. _

_ I’m fucking pathetic, I thought to myself. We never even met up but she managed to play with my emotions. _

_ At this point, I’m the problem.  _

_ Get it together, man.  _

_ We’re meeting at a local cafe near the train station. _

_ Not a good idea, by the way. Meeting your ex who you’re still hung up on at a place where you two used to regularly go together. _

_ I tried to not think about all the time we’ve spent there. If I did, I’ll never be able to do what I’m planning to. _

_ She was late which made me more anxious than I already was knowing I’d see her again.  _

_ Then, she finally arrived. _

_ She was still beautiful. She still lit upevery room she entered. _

_ My heart still ached for her. Damn, why does she have to be so charismatic?  _

_ I’m not supposed to feel this way if I’m planning on truly ending everything that’s been going on. _

_ I raised my hand and waved it a bit so she could see where I was sitting. _

_ She started coming over. She was smiling but I could tell it wasn’t genuine. Then she sat down on the seat in front of me.  _

_ It was more awkward than I though it would be. Surprisingly, she didn’t say anything as soon as she sat down like I expected her to. Instead, she just looked at me then looked down at her lap. _

_ “It’s been a while,” I said. _

_ She chuckled a bit. “Has it really?” She half joked, looking me straight in the eyes. _

_ “Look, I wanted to meet up—“ _

_ “—Because you want this to end. I get it, Jae.” _

_ I cannot believe what I was hearing right now. _

_ I scoffed. How does she get it? She’s not the one getting hurt.  _

_ “You’ve got to stop doing this. No, we’ve got to stop doing this.” _

_ Good job, Jae, now say the rest. _

_ “I— I’m sorry. I know I’ve been so selfish. I just— I depended so much on you and I couldn’t let you go. I know, I know I’ve made a terrible mistake. I should have told you that I was seeing someone else. I should’ve told you that I wasn’t in on the relationship anymore. But it was so hard for me to accept. I thought I still loved you because you’ve been there for me all the time. I thought it would be such a waste to just throw our relationship away like that. I felt like I owed so much. _

_ “The calls. I should explain why, huh? At first, I ignored your calls because I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do. I was also hurt so I didn’t want to hear your voice, I didn’t want to be reminded of you. Then I was the one who started to call you. I kept on saying that I miss you... and I do! But I also said that I still love you. And maybe I still do but... not like how I used to.” _

_ Ouch. I knew it already but wow, it still felt like a bullet went through my heart. _

_ “I was just so upset at everything. At you. At myself. So after we broke up, I didn’t care anymore. In my mind, I already hurt you so why should I care about anything else? I broke up with the other guy and started to do whatever I wanted to. I got drunk a lot, slept around. I didn’t care. Then when I didn’t have anything to do, I would call you up because it was fun for me. _

_ I became someone I hated. I couldn’t believe I hurt you like that. You didn’t deserve it. It’s just... you loved me but why can’t I love you back anymore? And I’m so, so, sorry. Jae, I’m sorry I played with your feelings.” _

_ She bowed down while tears streamed down her face.  _

_ I was in shock. I never thought she would just confess everything like that. How am I supposed to hate her now? It would have been easier if she just acted like a total bitch to me.  _

_ I guess I forgot that she never was this horrible person. In front of me right now was the person I truly loved. The girl who is vulnerable yet strong at the same time. This was the girl I fell in love with.  _

_ And again, she’s making it harder for me to let go of her. I could see she was also in pain because she knows I still love her too much.  _

_ But too much is never a good thing and it was only right for us to let go of each other. I don’t own her heart anymore. I could tell she was only getting hurt because I’m getting hurt.  _

_ “What you did to me was... horrible. You somehow managed to mess me up although I was the one who broke up with you.” I laughed a bit to lighten the mood. I mean, come on, it was a little bit funny. _

_ “It really did mess me up, though. Everything hurt. Thinking about you, hearing your voice. Hell, I was even starting to regret breaking up. I thought ‘I don’t care that she doesn’t love me anymore as long as we were still together.’ I couldn’t accept the truth because I was clouded by my love for you. The last few months, I didn’t care anymore that we were just basically playing a game. I just wanted for you to keep calling me because I thought we might end up together again. We never did. And I guess that messed me up even more. The fact that I really was the only one wanting there to be an ‘us’ again. I wanted to hate you so much but I just couldn’t bring myself to. Which annoyed me even more. And now you do this and I’m... really annoyed, you know?” _

_ I looked at her and smiled. “But thank you for explaining everything and apologizing to me. I... don’t know if I can accept it now though. But I am sure that I will one day. Just not now.”  _

_ I wasn’t ready to accept her apology yet. What I went through was too much and it really destroyed my pride and self worth. Though, I really was thankful for what she said. It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off both of our shoulders. _

_ She smiled back weakly but she looked relieved. “I really hope you will,” she said quietly. _

_ I sighed and cleared my throat. “And... I hope you also forgive me. I know I’m not the only one who was hurt. We both were. It was wrong of me to think that you were selfish and didn’t care about our relationship at all.” _

_ This time her smile got bigger and was more genuine. She looked down again and nodded. “Thank you.” _

_ “With all that said, it’s time that we let each other go, don’t you think?” _

_ “Yeah. It would be the best for both of us. It’s about time we move on with our lives. I also have a lot of growing up to do.” _

_ I couldn’t have said it better myself. _

_ We caught up with each other a bit after that. I told her I was doing well at my job and got promoted. She told me she fixed her relationship with her family and she’s taking better care of herself now. _

_ I almost forgot to mention. I asked her what she did that she always had to go at 12 a.m. She laughed out loud at my question. _

_ “Oh, that... I actually... just watch cooking shows. That was it. It was never anything important. I just wanted you to be on edge each time. I know I’m evil. I’m so sorry!” _

_ So **that** was what I was hearing. Her damn cooking shows. _

_ Then that was it. We said our last goodbyes to each other. We both left that café feeling good. We listened to what each other had to say and both of us got the closure we wanted.  _

_______________________________

I realized that the game is never really over. 

We’re always going to be inside it. We just finished a difficult level. 

We had to die multiple times in the process, going back to square one every time.

Alas, we finally got past this one.

Bring on the next level.


End file.
